Brief and brutal

Tane knocked away the man's spit-slickened hand, then crouched, spun and buried an elbow into his midsection in one swift motion. The man staggered, huffing, and tried to focus. His hands curled into loose fists and he took an unsteady step forward, a snarl forming on his bearded face, but Tane had already moved aside, kicked his leg from under him with a short jab to the back of his knee, then grabbed his hair and pulled him to the floor. Another kick--this one to the man's jaw--finished him.

He whirled to face any new attackers but this time there were none. I stood in front of him, hands raised in supplication.

"No one else needs to be hurt," I said. "These good people are smart enough to know when not to pester a person, right?" I asked and looked around the room, nodding, to solicit a response.

"Oh aye," several people said.

"I'm not much of a joker, anyway," one man said, backing away.

"I could use a bit of optimism now and then!" A woman chimed in.

"Good, good," I said as Tane sat back down. "See?" I told him. "You are getting better. Only one man on the floor and he...well, he may recover. In time. Under the care of a skilled healer. And perhaps a strong prayer circle."

Tane looked unconvinced. He prodded the bleeding man with a toe, then walked out of the tavern, his shoulders slumped.

Author's note:

Thanks for reading! In his creative writing Masterclass, Neil Gaiman stressed the importance of writing frequently, every day if possible. "You have to get the bad stories out," he said. That's what this blog is, in part. Admittedly, I don't always put a lot of thought into these entries; they are merely a way for me to: (a) test out a few jokes and make fun of the genre; (b) work on dialogue and scene; (c) develop the world of Korin, where my real fantasy stories take place and (d) appear busy while I eat lunch, so I can avoid human interaction. Feel free to let me leave a comment or critique. I always like to know what works and what doesn't. 

At the crossroads

Later, much later, I huddled over a mug of ale and pondered the events of the day.

After initially welcoming me into the Ministry of Human Preservation, Queen Phaedra dismissed us with an invitation to attend her in two days. We were not allowed to stay in the palace until then--a decision I rested on Seymuhr's broad, uncouth shoulders--but given enough coin to afford a respectable inn nearby.

I had a long, hot, luxuriant bath that eased the final pains of our recent travels and scoured my hair enough to make it look somewhat reasonable. I found a new set of clothes waiting for me: perfectly tailored pants made of a soft, yet durable gray material, a shirt that hung well in all the right places--it was not too tight around my bosom, or loose around my waist--as well as a sturdy pair of boots. There was even a traveling cloak, lined with pockets. I felt, for the first time in my life, like I belonged somewhere. Was this my destiny, then? Did that account for my new bearing?

Broo Fang Tane appeared in the doorway, similarly cleaned and also wearing new clothes, although the change in his appearance was not as drastic as mine. He had no hair to wrangle, not even a bear to trim and his monk's robes were simple. The cloth that draped his lithe frame looked much finer than the coarse, nearly threadbare robes that he had worn throughout our recent adventures. He sat across from me and beamed, smelling of lavender.

"A new pair of boots can change the way you look at the world, and the way the world looks at you," I said.

He nodded. "Foot...wear is...the...foun...da...……….tion of any journey," he agreed. He stretched, his fingers clasped together over his head. "My...."

But he did not have the chance to finish that sentence. The door opened and a large man with a bristling beard walked in. His dark eyes scanned the room and lit up when they found Tane, who was facing away from the doorway. A mischievous smile crossed his face and he stomped toward us, already chuckling. Conversation around us trailed off. More than a few people turned to see what would happen next.

"Welllllll, what do we have here?" The man's voice was deep and rough; he sounded like a hound warning a rival away from a bone.

"Two travelers, staying here at the queen's request," I answered, hoping to avoid any violence. I glanced around the room, but saw no one who looked eager--or even willing--to help.

He crossed his arms. "Is that right?"

"It is. My friend and I are awaiting her majesty's next summons. It is important work." I stood up and motioned for the big man to lean toward me. "I see mischief in your eyes, good sir, and I will ask you for forbearance," I whispered to him. "My companion means no harm to you nor anyone else--indeed, he is of the Order of Optimists, and lives only to spread good cheer and happy news. That said, he has a bit of a temper..."

"Good...cheer? Happy news?" He threw back his head and laughed, a robust, hearty sound that caught on with some of those watching the spectacle. When he was finally done -- and I suspected, by then, that he wasn't genuinely entertained because the laughter had a strained, pained tone to it -- he exaggerated it, blowing a fetid wind from his mouth directly into my face. "Has he not walked these lands? Talked to anybody? Looked around?"

"Korin is a strange, dangerous and sometimes silly place, but it surely is not as bad as you think it is."

In response, he pressed a finger vertically against one of his nostrils and, with a scowl, emptied the contents of the other onto Tane's head. A few people winced at the wet sound the issue made when it smacked against the monk's scalp; I felt a few droplets against my cheek.

"Bones of Barnok! Why would you do such a thing?!?"

The man was genuinely laughing now. There was nothing exaggerated or pained about it. He pointed at Tane, who pressed his lips together as he looked for a cloth to clean himself with.

"Sorry, friend," the man said, still chuckling. "Let me help you." He cupped his hand and spat into it, then advanced toward Tane, meaning, I thought, to wipe the mess clean.

Broo Fang Tane would have none of that, though, and my heart sank as I heard the faint battle growl grow in his throat. His eyes blazed and he was suddenly on his feet, pivoting to face his tormentor.

"Broo Fang," I said. "Please..."

"Listen to your mother, little man," the other one said. Tane erupted, and I stepped aside, then dove for cover.

Author's note:

Thanks for reading! Admittedly, I don't always put a lot of thought into these entries; they are merely a way for me to: (a) test out a few jokes and make fun of the genre; (b) work on dialogue and scene; (c) develop the world of Korin, where my real fantasy stories take place and (d) appear busy while I eat lunch, so I can avoid human interaction. Feel free to let me leave a comment or critique. I always like to know what works and what doesn't. 

MOHPing around

"Mira," said the queen, "how good to see you again. What news do you bring?" Phaedra was as beautiful as always, with raven-colored hair and eyes as blue as an Azrokian sky. Her lithe figure was draped in soft fabric the color of a setting sun. Her brow was unadorned, but gold and jewels glittered above her bosom. A shiny black belt held her dress above her hips, which swayed seductively as she moved. Seymuhr could not tear his gaze from her, despite my elbow in his ribs.

I blushed at her use of my shorter, more familiar name. "You do me great honor, your grace." I felt color rise in my cheeks.

"Eh. I do everyone great favor, do I not, Tonk?" The question was directed at one of the Wesolaks. It grunted without taking its eyes from Seymuhr.

"I see you bring Merrick's companions, but not him. How did he die?"

I started, and glanced at both Seymuhr and Broo Fang Tane, who stood silently with his head bowed, eyes half-closed and hands tucked into his sleeves. Phaedra knew of them, too? Why hadn't they told me they had met before? I had assumed that Merrick had picked them up at a local tavern and thrown a few coin their way to get their assistance. Were they members of the Ministry of Human Preservation, too?

"Don't be so surprised, Esmiralda," Phaedra said. "What other conclusion could I draw?" She gestured to her left, where there was a round table. One chair, with a tall back and several cushions, sat on one side, facing a semi-circle of smaller, but still comfortable-looking chairs. A platter of fruit was at its center. A lean man stood nearby, an ewer of wine in hand. Knives hung from either hip and a sword hilt protruded above his shoulder. His eyes were alert and calculating.

We sat and Seymuhr pulled the entire plate of fruit toward him. He scanned it casually and looked up at the heavily armed wine steward. "No candied spiders?"

"We haven't caught any today." The man's voice was surprisingly melodic.

"I expected better from the palace," Seymuhr said.

"Fresh spider isn't as easy to come by here is it is in the brothels and haystacks where you spend most of your time, Skullsquasher. I would ask you to mind your manners."

Seymuhr was about to reply when I interrupted. "Indeed, please." I flashed the queen's guard a quick smile, hoping that would be enough to calm him down. It was evident that the two knew each other, and my assessment of Seymuhr changed yet again. I had never heard him referred to as 'Skullsquasher' although the way he wielded his maces in combat made it easy enough to guess where that moniker had come from. Did these two men have another sort of history? I doubted it, because the guard did not appear, in any way, maimed. "Besides, you had spider for breakfast, all three meals yesterday and you snacked on a few luckless creatures on the way here. Haven't you had enough?"

He grabbed an apple, instead, and bit into it noisily.

"Your conclusion is true, I'm afraid," I turned back to the queen. "Noble Merrick has indeed met his end." I recounted the tale of how we had 'met,' uncovered the horrific situation with the giants and, more recently, fought and killed the mountain witch.

"Let me see it."

She didn't have to explain what she meant. I reached into my tunic and brought out the symbol of the Ministry of Human Preservation, the small bauble that still felt uncomfortable in my hand. Phaedra took the chain from me and held it up. The bauble spun in front of her eyes, which were suddenly shiny with tears. I felt color rising again; I felt out of place in such an intimate moment. Words fled me and I could only offer her a weak smile.

She placed it in my palm, the cool chain coiling like a snake, and then closed my fingers over it. "It sounds like you had little choice in the journey," Phaedra said with a look toward Seymuhr, "but I am glad you were there at the end. It is possible that, no matter what had happened previously, you would have been nearby when Merrick passed--we are not always privy to the whims of the gods, or in control of where they take us."

"It is indeed a coincidence," I said. I thought, briefly, about the incidents that led me to the tavern where Seymuhr had first abducted me. To be in the employ of the queen, a falcuhn, gathering and preserving knowledge, only to come into the company of others who served a far more secretive task...it was unusual.

"It was no coincidence," Phaedra said. "You were chosen: by the gods, by Merrick and now by me. I bid you welcome to the Ministry of Human Preservation, Esmiralda. Now let's get to work."

Author's note:

Thanks for reading! Admittedly, I don't always put a lot of thought into these entries; they are merely a way for me to: (a) test out a few jokes and make fun of the genre; (b) work on dialogue and scene; (c) develop the world of Korin, where my real fantasy stories take place and (d) appear busy while I eat lunch, so I can avoid human interaction. Feel free to let me leave a comment or critique. I always like to know what works and what doesn't. 

At last, the queen

We stood outside the doorway and I suddenly had no idea what to say. Not too long ago, my life had been fairly simple. I went places, documented events, described places, updated maps, filed those histories and then received enough coin--barely--to go on to the next one. I was a falcuhn, a historian in Queen Phaedra's employ--loosely, at least. It was Phaedra's idea to preserve the past in a centralized system for future scholars. She was responsible, ultimately, for funding it. We had, in fact, met in the past, but it was long ago and I doubted she would have any recollection of it, or of me. I hardly considered myself that memorable.

That was how I thought my life would be: my Great Work. That was also before I first met Seymuhr, who abducted me and thrust me, unknowingly, into an ongoing war between good and evil. Or at least, between good and not-quite-as-good. Things were often murky in Korin. I wasn't sure if I could go back to the days of merely chronicling the events of the land.

After a short period of time, the great doors in front of us opened. I smoothed my tunic and attempted to wrangle my nest of hair into order as they swung inward on near-silent hinges. Broo-Fang Tane stood a little straighter, while Seymuhr picked at something wedged deep in his jaw, lifted his right foot and broke wind. I glared at him.

Two huge figures stood in the open doorway. Nearly as wide as they were tall, they towered over us, with squat legs supporting barrel-like chests and arms as thick as tree trunks and ropy with muscle. Their ears were flat against the side of their head and pointed at the lower lobe. Yellowed tusks protruded from their snouts. Westonaks. Each had a perfectly-sculpted coiffe, a horn-like protrusion above their brows--it was actually the wiry, bristling hair the creatures grew on the top of their heads, swirled and plastered into place with a sticky substance made in part from their own phlegm. They wore breastplates and skirts over their grayish scales and held a sturdy pole-axe in one hand. The other was covered by a half-opened gauntlet with jagged blades above the knuckles. 

They sized us up, their gaze lingering on Seymuhr. Squat and bald, he was shorter than I but his quiet swagger always attracted the notice of anyone--or, in this case, anything--that might have to fight him. He succeeded in digging out whatever he had been searching for among his teeth and held it up triumphantly. 

"You must be proud," I murmured. "Do me a favor, will you? Be quiet and try not to get us killed." 

I stepped up in front of the Westonaks, cleared my voice and said with as much confidence as I could muster: "I am Esmiralda, a falcuhn and servant of the most blessed queen, here for an audience with her. These are my companions, Broo Fang Tane, a monk of the Order of Optimists, and Seymuhr…." I could think of no other words for him. 

The Westonaks did not move aside. One of them stood in front of me and to my left, directly in front of Seymuhr. His brow furrowed, he leaned in slightly and sniffed the air. After a sideways glance to his colleague, he flexed his fists. I heard knuckles crackle like a spirited fire. 

"We have an appointment," I added, in a slightly smaller voice.

"Stand aside," a voice rang from the room beyond. It was deep for a woman's, yet possessed a touch of music. I could almost envision a smile curling dark, full lips. "They are here at my request. I am in no danger."

The Westonaks pivoted, opening a path for us to enter the room beyond. "Mind yourself, irf," one of them rumbled.

That startled me. Irf? I glanced at Seymuhr, who took no notice. Had the Westonak noticed something that I, despite traveling with Seymuhr for so long, had not? Was he of the old blood? I forced myself to move, even though my knees were stiff with sudden shock. It would explain his height--or lack of it--and, perhaps, his strength. Of course, it could be only an insult, hurled at a man of small stature. Males were fond of that sort of thing, no matter what species.

We walked into Queen Phaedra's private audience chamber. The doors swung closed behind us and I heard the Westonaks settle into position in front of them. Phaedra was on her feet, leaning over a table that had no chairs around it. Her hand was resting on one portion of it, her long fingers absently stroking it like a pet. A pensive look suddenly let her face and she looked up and a brilliant smile replaced it.

"Mira," she said, and my spine tingled at the sound and warm familiarity in her tone. "How good to see you again. What news do you bring?"



Author's note:
Thanks for reading! Admittedly, I don't always put a lot of thought into these entries; they are merely a way for me to: (a) test out a few jokes and make fun of the genre; (b) work on dialogue and scene; (c) develop the world of Korin, where my real fantasy stories take place and (d) appear busy while I eat lunch, so I can avoid human interaction. Feel free to let me leave a comment or critique. I always like to know what works and what doesn't. 

The queen's hallway

Thanks for reading! This blog shouldn't be taken too seriously. I don't always put a lot of thought into the entries; they are merely a way for me to: (a) test out a few jokes and make fun of the genre; (b) work on dialogue and scene; (c) develop the world of Korin, where my  fantasy stories take place and (d) appear busy while I eat lunch, so I can avoid human interaction. Feel free to let me leave a comment or critique. I always like to know what works and what doesn't. 

It felt good to get out of the maze of doorways. The hallway, dim and narrow as is was, still felt like the edge of a sun-lit prairie. It was quiet, the only sound being the slight sizzle of flames from the large candles spaced evenly in depressions along the wall. We were at one end, and the hallway stretched so far to my right that I could not see its other end. 

"Are we still even in the castle?" I wondered aloud. The trip through the maze of doors had taken us in so many different directions--at least, I thought it did--and taken so long that I would not have been surprised to look out a window and find myself in the mountains outside Dervish on a midwinter's night. 

Shonfiddylchamevven chuckled as he placed his weighty key ring on his belt ad massaged his sore wrist. "Of course. This is the queen's private entrance. You cannot be too careful."

It was no wonder, then, why the queen was late to many appointments. "I guess not." 

Seymuhr stretched behind me. Broo Fang Tane was barely visible in the gloom. We started off. 

"How was it that you came to be in the queen's employ, Shon?" I asked.

He gave me an impatient, tight-lipped smile. "Shonfiddylchamevven, please. I am proud of my heritage, which includes my name. I would not think to ask you to shorten yours."

"Oh, you can call me Mira," I answered, quickly and hopefully. "I always thought Esmiralda a bit of a mouthful. And too pretentious, by half. It makes me sound like a princess."

"Or a witch," Seymuhr added. 

"I wouldn't think of it. There is a certain power in a name, as my father always told me. They should be embraced. Certainly, you should not allow others to reduce that power."

"Yours is a pow....er...ful...na....me, indeed, good Shon...fid...dyl...ch...am................even," Tane eventually got out. 

"Indeed," I agreed as soon as he was done. "What were we talking about again? Oh. The queen. Yes, how did you come to be employed by the queen?"

"It's a tale as long and as proud as my name," he said. He sucked in his ample belly--or tried to--and puffed out his chest--or tried to. "I came here with my brother."

I waited, but no other words were forthcoming. After a few minutes, he said: "Oh, that was it. I came here with my brother."

"That's not a long tale," Seymuhr pointed out. "Or a proud one."

Shonfiddylchamevven looked offended. "What do you mean? I'm very proud of my brother."

"I have no doubt," I said, to avoid what I suspected would be an escalating argument. "He was a good man. Perhaps I should have asked how he came to be employed by the queen. I am not certain that he ever directly told me."

"Just one of those things," he waved it off. "Some people make candles, some people fish, others earn their coin by grooming house pets. Merrick simply founded the Ministry of Human Preservation to save Korin. Or at least, mankind's role in it." 

"I see."

"I don't," Seymuhr  said. "Is there much profit in it?"

"Perhaps Queen Phedora will have additional insight for you," he said as we, at last, stopped outside an ornate door. "She's inside."

I can see for feet and feet

Thanks for reading! This blog shouldn't be taken too seriously. I don't always put a lot of thought into the entries; they are merely a way for me to: (a) test out a few jokes and make fun of the genre (b) work on dialogue and scene (c) develop the world of Korin, where my (real) fantasy stories take place and (d) appear busy while I eat lunch, so I can avoid human interaction. Feel free to let me leave a comment or critique. 

Later, much later, I had lost track of how many doors we had gone through, which direction we were heading and, perhaps, even which day it was. 

"It's a wonder there are any trees left in Korin," I mumbled to Seymuhr. "There's an entire forest guarding this approach."

We stood beside one such door, just recently opened. Seymuhr leaned against the stone wall, feet and arms crossed. Broo Fang Tane was just outside, in the last antechamber, his hands tucked into his sleeves. His eyes were half-closed and I wondered if he was napping. Ahead, Shonfiddylchamevven bent in front of yet another locked door, fiddling with his key ring. He stretched, a hand exploring the small of his back and gave us a weary grin. 

"I know it's here somewhere," he said. 

Seymuhr straightened up. "I need a privy. Is there one behind one of these other doors?"

Shonfiddylchamevven blew a long breath through his lips, making them rattle like a soaked banner. "Of course." He closed his left eye and scratched his head. "Let me think. I know it's around here somewhere..."

I held up a hand to stop him from retracing our steps. "Good Shonfiddylch...Shonfid....Good Shon, are we close? Perhaps it would be faster to go forward than back the way we came." I glared at Seymuhr, who shrugged.

"I was merely trying to be polite," he said, then turned toward the corner and fumbled at his belt.

"So. Now you try."

Tane spoke up. "You should have con...trol...of your body at all times," he said in his usual, halting sing-song. "The Or...der of the Op....timists teach such things. I c.............ould pass a.....long the lesson."

"If you were able to teach Seymurh such control, that would be a cause for optimism," I said. "Celebration, too."

"It would be a sin," Seymuhr responded, "to deprive so many noses of my special fragrance." 

"Ah, that's the one!" Shonfiddylchamevven turned the key and we heard the now-familiar sound of the lock opening. He pushed open the door revealing, to my horror, yet another door. 

"Oh, for the love of Pordeth!" 

"At ease, good friends! At ease," Shonfiddylchamevven chuckled nervously. "This one's not locked. I'll give you a few moments to, er, compose yourselves. Then we shall be just a few short steps from the queen's antechamber."

I stepped away from Seymuhr and straightened my tunic as best I could. My hair, as usual, was beyond repair, but I ran my fingers through it, anyway, in hopes of untangling some of the mess. I stuck a finger in my mouth and scrubbed my teeth. I realized in that moment that a momentous change was about to come upon me. After so many travels and, most recently, so many thrice-cursed doors, I was about to step into my true purpose. 

Assuming, of course, that Shonfiddylchamevven spoke true and there wasn't another delay on the other side. 

"Right," I said, nodding to him. "Let's go."

 

 

Doors and doors

Thanks for reading! This blog shouldn't be taken too seriously. I don't always put a lot of thought into the entries; they are merely a way for me to: (a) test out a few jokes (b) work on dialogue and scene (c) develop the world of Korin, where my fantasy stories take place and (d) appear busy while I eat lunch, so I can avoid human interaction. Feel free to let me leave a comment or critique. 

Shonfiddylchamevven led us behind the bar to where a stack of old kegs was piled against a wall. He ducked behind them, and I saw a door that had been hidden. It was a stout thing, thick, ancient-looking wood reinforced with iron bands. Merrick's brother fished in his pocket and produced an enormous ring of keys. We waited while he searched through them, holding a few up to the weak light and immediately discarding others. 

"I know it's here," he said, somewhat apologetically. 

"I'm impressed that you were able to handle that taunting without killing seven or eight people," I told Broo Fang Tane while we stood by. "Perhaps you are one step closer toward having full control of your anger."

He gave me a meek, half-hearted smile, but said nothing. 

"Ah! This must be it!" Shonfiddylchamevven held up a key that looked no different than any others, then inserted it into the lock and twisted. I heard a click and the door parted from its jamb. He grinned and pushed it open, revealing a ten-foot cube with another stout door on the other side. He walked up and began fiddling with the keys again. "I know it's here somewhere," he mumbled.

"We might be here a while," Seymuhr said. "Perhaps we should have brought a chair with us."

"Safety first!" Shonfiddylchamevven called cheerfully. "This passageway leads almost directly into the queen's audience chamber. We cannot simply allow petitioners to walk in on her."

"Of course." 

After a few more minutes, he exhaled loudly, put a different key into the doorlock. "Fortunately, she doesn't get many visitors this way."

He pushed the door open, revealing another cube and another door.

"Bones of Barnok," I whispered, then added, louder: "What do you do when the matter is urgent?"

"There are only a few more," he replied, then returned his attention to his key ring. "I could have sworn I left them in order." 

I leaned against the wall, which was made from smooth, cut stone, and thought about what I would say to Pheadra if and when we finally got our audience. I was still slightly upset at learning of Merrick's Ministry of Human Preservation from Merrick, and not directly from the queen. I had had plenty of dealings with her and thought our relationship was more cordial than it would be with an average subject. Surely someone responsible for chronicling the history of Korin, as I was, was worthy of such a confidence? I wondered if I had been an unwitting participant in the MOHPs agenda in the past. 

"Here it is!" Shonfiddylchamevven sounded triumphant. I held my breath but released it after he opened the door to find another cube that differed from the previous two in that it contained two stout doors. "Let's see," he said. "Which one is it again? The left or the right? I always forget..."

I glanced at Tane, who looked lost in thought. I tried to adopt his attitude. Patience, it appeared, would be an important trait today.